No humor zone: 33 things you should never say to a TSA agent

Transportation Security Administration blog takes note of dumb, or just plain aggressive comments made by travelers

There is no humor in an airport.  It's a fact.  And while most travelers business or otherwise know that,   there are a few out there who haven't gotten the message or perhaps the choose to ignore it. 

Either way the "People Say the Darndest Things" or "What Not to Say at an Airport" section has become one of the more popular destinations on the TSA Blog site.

[MORE NEWS: 25 crazy and scary things the TSA has found on travelers]

The first things you'll notice about things you shouldn't say to a TSA agent revolve around some sort of bomb threat.  Others involve the use of some sort of weapon.  Whatever the comment, the usually inane comments can result in arrest, delays or if the threat is more than your average comment - evacuation of the area r airport. 

Gathered from the TSA's site, here is a list of some of the comments the TSA didn't look too kindly upon:  

  • A passenger flying out of San Juan told the ticket agent that her bag contained a bomb and she was going to blow up the plane. After it was all said and done, her bag didn't have a bomb, but as a result of her threat, the ticket counter, checkpoint, and terminal were closed for nearly an hour. There were consequences.
  • An Amarillo (AMA) passenger arrived to the checkpoint visibly upset and during screening, he told the officer: "I don't have any bombs, at least not yet."
  • A passenger at San Juan (SJU) told the gate agent that she had an atomic bomb in her bag. She had to explain to Puerto Rico Port Authority Police, FBI, and TSA that she was just joking.
  • After being told he was not permitted to bring two cans of soda in his checked carry-on baggage, a Phoenix (PHX) passenger told the Officer that each soda can had a 30-second detonator inside of it. There were no detonators in the cans.
  • During a bag search, a Flint (FNT) traveler stated: "Be careful, there's a bomb in my bag."
  • After learning that his luggage had made a flight that he missed, a Las Vegas (LAS) passenger told the gate agent: "Imagine there was a bomb in my bag. I'm not on plane, and it would explode."
  • An individual approached a general aviation ramp at Knox County Airport (RKD) and stated that aircraft were buzzing his house and if it did not stop, he was going to shoot one down.
  • A Newark (EWR) passenger stated "I have a bomb in my bag" to one of our officers. She then went on to explain that she was just joking.

[MORE: Hockey sticks, pocket knives and billiard cues among carry-on items TSA will soon let onboard planes]

  • While preparing to go through the security lane, a passenger at Chicago O'Hare (ORD) asked: "Should I remove my gun and bomb, too?"
  • A passenger at LaGuardia (LGA) going through the checkpoint stated: "It's not like I have a bomb in my bag, but I could have."
  • A gate agent at Charlotte (CLT) asked a passenger what he was carrying in a box. The passenger replied: "I have a bomb."
  • A passenger at Portland (PDX) told the officer checking his ID that he had a bomb in his cell phone A Denver (DEN) passenger in the gate area was overheard on his cell phone stating: "I am going to blow up the plane."
  • When asked if he had any dangerous items in his bag, a Los Angeles (LAX) passenger stated "I have a bomb." He then grabbed his boarding pass and walked away. The police stopped him. This resulted in a 16 minute closure of the ticketing area.
  • A passenger at Miami (MIA) told the ticketing representative that he had a bag full of dynamite. Five flights were delayed for a total of 4 hours, 56 minutes affecting 1,027 passengers. The passenger was arrested on a state charge.
  • After a gate agent at Orlando (MCO) informed a passenger she could not get her checked luggage out of the plane, the passenger stated: "Well what if I had put a bomb in it? Can I get it back then?"
  • After being denied boarding due to intoxication, a Columbus passenger told the gate agent that she had a bomb in her bag.
  • An Atlanta passenger approached a flight attendant and asked her if she had ever been hijacked before.
  • While at the ticket counter, a passenger at Gulf Port (GPT) stated that he "possibly had a bomb in his bag." He later explained his reasoning. He thought his statement would get him through security faster.
  • A passenger at Charlotte (CLT) who was informed she couldn't take an item on the plane stated: "I hope someone comes in here and blows you all up."
  • After his request to have his checked bags removed from the aircraft was denied, a passenger became upset and stated that "the airline did not know if he had a bomb in his bag."
  • A passenger at Las Vegas (LAS) became upset while his son's bag was being searched and stated: "There is a bomb in there."
  • A Federal Air Marshal overheard a passenger at Washington Reagan (DCA) telling another passenger to watch his bag because it had a bomb in it.
  • A passenger overheard another passenger at Denver (DEN) state: "I hope you are not on the plane leaving at Gate A-37, it's going to go off with a blast."
  • A passenger at Anchorage (ANC) stated that he had a bomb in his checked bag. Because the claim had to be investigated by law enforcement, the bag was pulled and the airport was closed for two hours and 20 minutes. The claim turned out to be false, and the passengers on the flight were delayed in taking off.
  • During screening at Rochester (ROC), a passenger told our officers that he had a firearm in his carry-on bag. No gun was discovered. Bad joke.
  • As a gate agent was approaching an unattended bag at El Paso (ELP), the owner of the bag stated "I better get it before it explodes."
  • A passenger at Honolulu (HNL) told the ticket agent that he had a bomb in his bag. When the ticket agent reprimanded him for the comment, he told the gate agent that he had a nuclear bomb in his bag. Law enforcement officers responded and arrested him on a state charge.
  • While an Officer was conducting an explosive trace sample at Orlando (MCO), the passenger stated: "I hope the residue doesn't show up on the test."
  • A passenger at Charlottesville (CHO) stated he had a bomb in his shoe after he was asked to place his shoes on the x-ray belt.
  • A Newark (EWR) passenger told the gate agent: "If you don't want another terrorist attack, I better make this flight."
  • During a bag search at Dallas (DAL), a passenger stated: "I'm a terrorist."
  • A passenger at Miami (MIA) told the ticketing representative that he had a bag full of dynamite. Five flights were delayed for a total of 4 hours, 56 minutes affecting 1,027 passengers. The passenger was arrested on a state charge.
  • After a gate agent at Orlando (MCO) informed a passenger she could not get her checked luggage out of the plane, the passenger stated: "Well what if I had put a bomb in it? Can I get it back then?"

Follow Michael Cooney on Twitter: nwwlayer8 and on Facebook

Check out these other hot stories:

FTC awards $50k in prizes to cut off exasperating robocalls

It's in the algorithm: Extremely tight races in Major League Baseball chase this year

Air Force exploring systems that safeguard spacecraft network security

IRS uncorks Dirty Dozen Tax Scams for 2013

FBI's UFO file resolved nothing; 63-year old report has been viewed 1 million times

30 months in the slammer for man who pointed green laser at aircraft

DARPA wants unique automated tools to rapidly make computers smarter

Editors' Picks
Join the discussion
Be the first to comment on this article. Our Commenting Policies