What does one do for an encore after half the world has watched you fall into a mall water fountain because you couldn't be bothered to pick your head up from sending a text message?
If you answered run to a lawyer and accept a guest spot on Good Morning America, you know how things work in this great country of ours.
Cathy Cruz Marrero's tumble into that fountain, captured by a mall security camera (below), has garnered more than 1.8 million views on YouTube as I type. That kind of online fuss doesn't escape the attention of the morning TV yap-fests these days, and Marrero apparently couldn't resist her 15 minutes when GMA gave her a jingle.
And it's possible that by this morning she might have cut a reasonably sympathetic figure - after all, the mall cops didn't have to plaster the video on the Internet - but by then she had lawyered up and was puppeting a string of I'm-gonna-sue-the-bastards talking points. From an ABC News story:
"I didn't get an apology, what I got was, 'At least nobody knows it was you,' " Marrero said in an interview on "Good Morning America" today. "But I knew it was me."
Marrero didn't realize what happened until she was already in the water.
"Unfortunately, I didn't have anything to grab onto and hold my balance," she said.
Cry me a mall fountain.
(Update: My gosh, look what we have here. It seems our fountain "victim," while appearing on national television this morning, also had a court date on criminal charges alleging that she "misappropriated" thousands of dollars worth of merchandise from the very mall in which she took her tumble. From a news story on WFMZ.com:
Police said Marrero, who used to work at Zales Jewelers at the Fairgrounds Square Mall in Muhlenberg Township, used the Zales credit account of someone she knows to make more than $4,000 in purchases without the account-holder's permission.
Marrero also used the same woman's Target credit account to buy more than $1,000 worth of merchandise, said police, who indicated in court documents that the purchases were made prior to August 2007.
Now I know what you're thinking. Me, too.)