Japan's 10 funniest tech-related ads

From breast-enhancing Intel processors to breast-enhanced Canon laser copiers, we dissect Japan’s most bizarre tech-related ads.

From breast-enhancing Intel processors to breast-enhanced Cannon laser copiers, we dissect Japan’s most bizarre tech-related ads.

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Intel's Core2 Duo processor helps a girl enlarge her breasts A teenage girl is awakened by her mother one morning and is surprised to find that her breasts have significantly grown.  She looks at herself proudly in the mirror while her mother frets in the background.  The camera then cuts to a picture of an Intel Core2 Duo processor.

Summary:

LOL Quotient: 7/10.  For a variety of reasons, this commercial would simply not be shown in America.

ZOMG Quotient: 9/10.  It seems pretty clear that Intel is comparing the power of the two cores in its Duo processor with… well, we think you can figure it out.  As we said, this commercial would never be shown in this country.

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Intel's Centrino Duo platform turns a man into a werewolf and a giant talking bunny A man and his girlfriend are having a romantic dinner and watching a cheeseball romantic comedy on her laptop.  When the film cuts to a shot of a full moon, he turns into a werewolf.  His girlfriend starts to freak out, and we get the Intel logo plastered on the screen.  We cut back to the man, who has now transformed into a giant talking rabbit.  His girlfriend continues to yell at him.

Summary:

LOL Quotient: 4/10.  The talking bunny-man at the end is worth a few chuckles.

ZOMG Quotient: 9/10.  Intel apparently thinks it can get more customers by promising to turn them into animals.

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A giant chicken and a frog demonstrate the virtues of high-tech toilets The Japanese apparently take their toilets more seriously than we in the States do.  As Network World reported last year, Japanese company Toto has constructed a high-tech toilet featuring an automatically-opening lid, a temperature-controlled bidet, a seat heater and a deodorizer.  In the following Toto commercial, a giant chicken and frog give us a quick waddle-through the magical world of futuristic waste disposal.

Summary:

LOL Quotient: 10/10.  People in animal suits are dancing around a computerized toilet.  If you don't think that's high comedy, then you've never learned to laugh.

ZOMG Quotient: 10/10.  When, exactly, did birds and amphibians become qualified to teach us how to properly dispose of our waste?

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A Canon Hybrid Laser Copier morphs into an attractive woman who fires high-quality color copies out of her chest "Ho-hum.  It's just another day of cube life in the office.  Better make some coffee, fire up the laptop and… whoa, when did our Canon copier get replaced by that hot woman???  And she's shooting copies out of WHERE???" That's pretty much all you need to know about this commercial.

Summary:

LOL Quotient: 8/10.  As we've said, Japanese ads will use sex to sell anything.

ZOMG Quotient: 9/10.  We will never look at our office copier the same way again.  And frankly, we find that disturbing.

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Arnold Schwarzenegger bursts out of a woman's head to sell an energy drink Imagine if the evil computer network Skynet   downed fistfuls of peyote and psychedelic mushrooms and decided that the best way to destroy humanity was by sending the Terminator to burst out of peoples' heads after they consumed a particular brand of energy drink.  Well, that's what this ad from the Japanese energy drink Alinamin V seems to be depicting.  It all starts off with a cute woman dancing and singing presumably about the drink when BAM! a laughing Arnold Schwarzenegger head pops out of her hat.  Then they both start dancing and singing.

Summary:

LOL Quotient: 9/10.  It's often been said that David Lynch's major movies, from Eraserhead to Blue Velvet to Mulholland Drive, have all been attempts to construct violent nightmares that expose the depravity of the human condition.  This Japanese energy drink ad achieves in 30 seconds what Lynch has strived for his whole career to create.

ZOMG Quotient:2.5 billion/10.  Not only does this ad not make us want to purchase Alinamin V, but it wants to make us forget that we've ever known of the existence of any liquids.

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Japanese ads

So which ad scared you the most?

Well, that's it. We hope you've enjoyed our slideshow of Japan's strangest tech-related ads. And remember, Network World is not responsible for any mental trauma incurred by watching that laughing Arnold head over and over again.

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