RSA 2015: More random thoughts based on cybersecurity-related fear

Fears, real, imagined, and the unimaginable, are part of the experience at the RSA Conference. There is also the madness of CYA marketing, where you make hyper-babble announcements to look like you're still in the game. I've mashed the show announcements together to give you an idea of what goes on here:

"PRBluesWire, April 21, San Francisco RSA 2015—Today, HyperPatootie LLC, announced their new SDN SDR PUV plug-in to Docker. Said CEO Anir McMurphy, "Our connection to Docker has always been strong—a decade of work with them. Today's announcement of our SND SRD PVU has sent a warning message to the evil of hackers, crackers, and snackers of corporate assets: We Will Be Strong!!"

Thoroughly compatible with everything, the SDN SDR PUV ships in 2017 with Windows 16 Preview. Release 0.0.0.0.8.2 is now available for download from http://www.hyperpatootie.teaseware.com/suckerbait.html.

Now in their eleventh round of mezzanine financing with a valuation of $16B, HyperPatootie has ex-Paypal, ex-Google, ex-MicroPro International investors and a board of directors that includes ex-Cons, ex-Bus Drivers, and other industry executives, represented by Beatem, Cheatem, and Howe with Goldman Baritone Sax as advisors."

Sounding a little jaded, do I? Disheartened by so much prattle and so little progress? Oh. Yeah. Absent cogent public policy and enforcement (Yes, the FBI and the U.S. Comptroller of the Currency have stands here), it would seem that the nearly 100 million-plus U.S. citizens who now having free credit monitoring for eternity might have truck with the current state of security.

No one wants to exhume the dead corps of RSA's own compromised (by the NSA's tomfoolery) security token devices, "export-grade security gone wrong" (via the FREAK and other attacks), or the other bodies, the suicides by multiple holes shot cleanly between metatarsals # 2 and 3.

Nor shall we speak of hierarchical directory services, where empirical passwords can own anything, whose empirical password service can live forever, as it's not mandated to be changed, except by administrative measure. Defaults suck. It's not my default—it's your default!

The number of apoplectic systems auditors here exceeds the population of some major metropolitan suburbs. Yet many arrive with hands cuffed behind their back. It gets worse. Take the initial showfloor opening, with plentiful food last evening. No tables. Not one. Planning? One wag muttered: if we had planning, we wouldn't need this show.

No one's put their fingers around the throats of insurance companies and squeezed in a way that would bring instant attention to the insured's complete and total lack of policy enforcement down to the last contractor's smartphone.

I just know I'll feel less cranky after some more coffee.

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