Pro tip: Never use her sewing shears as a screwdriver

032816blog shears

One thing I don’t like about Reddit is that comment threads often veer off into annoyingly unrelated topics. And one thing I really love about Reddit is that comment threads often veer off into hilariously unrelated topics.

Today’s example of the latter comes from the section of Reddit devoted to systems administrators and begins interestingly enough with a serious tale of workplace malfeasance, apparently criminal … which then segues into the apparent madness that is using sewing shears as a screwdriver.

User1: “My wife hates when she catches me using her good sewing scissors for unscrewing HPs jacked up PC case screws.”

User2: “Dude, in all honesty... she's right. A good pair of sewing shears is like $16, whereas you can pick up a multibit ratcheting screwdriver from Autozone for $4. Just go grab 4 of them and squirrel them away in different spots around the house so that she doesn't have to spend the next 20 years constantly calculating your usefulness-to-frustration quotient and deciding if it's worth murdering you in your sleep or not. … And just to be extra safe, pick a random time today and tell her she looks nice.”

User1: “This plus the two (private messages) saying I'm a horrible person have convinced me of my errors. I'm sure my post was cross-linked to some sort of /R/sewingwtf subreddit.”

User3: “Sewing scissors have some kind of magical property that means they can NEVER be used for ANYTHING other than fabric and thread. Cut paper with them once? RUINED! Also, if you can find good sewing shears for $16, link me. My wife spends closer to $50/ea, and has a different pair for every possible task. "NO, (User3), I SAID I WANTED THE QUILTING SHEARS! THESE ARE DRESSMAKING SHEARS! GAH! … Still though, happy wife, happy life.

User4: “Hair dressers get the same way. Never use someone’s specialist scissors to cut foil. They’re usual response is (to use) the now-ruined scissors to stab you in the neck.”

User5: “Also, cough up the money to buy your wife a new pair of decent sewing shears. Hers are probably toast after your abuse.”

So to recap: Get up off your lazy behind and go find a screwdriver.

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