08:52 Welcome to the Microsoft Windows Horizon operating system. Today is July 10, 2012. The temperature outside is 105 degrees Fahrenheit, the wind speed is 40 knots gusting to 80 knots, the air pollution level is extreme and the UV level is dangerous. The Homeland Security Threat Level is red.

09:03 To log on, please enter your name and password. Thank you, your account is valid. Please touch the fingerprint scanner. Thank you, your fingerprint is recognized. Please look into the retinal scanner. Thank you, retinal scan passed.

09:05 Please place a drop of blood on the analyzer. Thank you, your DNA is recognized. We note your sugar and albumen levels are high. Your health insurance provider has been notified and your doctor informed as per the Miller Limbaugh Computer Users Health Reporting Act of 2008. The mandatory $1 health check fee will be added to your Microsoft Service Account.

09:06 Please say: "I accept all license terms and conditions and surrender all legal rights to any and all compensation in the event of loss of time, data or employment due to use or misuse of any Microsoft products and services." Thank you, your voice profile is recognized.

09:07 Please wait.

09:15 Microsoft thanks you for your interest in Windows Horizon (aka Vista 3). To ensure this is a valid copy, we will now enter the authentication phase.

09:20 Microsoft has been contacted over the Internet and your connection speed has been verified to be adequate. The verification process can be speeded up for a $5 fee added to your Microsoft Service Account. Say or click "yes" to log on quicker or "no" to skip and continue.