Cell phones! $#!&!

Last week I began a rant about cell phone providers (judging from your feedback on customer service quality and customer disservice I am definitely not alone).

In my rant I got as far my interaction with the obviously pseudonymous Sprint representative named "Dwayne" who was also obviously nowhere near U.S. shores (what a load of $#!&!) when I got sidetracked by my observations about outsourced customer disservice.

My biggest complaint about this lame excuse for service is that I don't understand why the companies doing the outsourcing and the outsourcers can't do a better job using the people and facilities they've got. The incessant verification of details, the unctuous, smarmy presentation, the incessant 'thank you's', the total inability to do anything beyond what their pitiful scripts cover are simply ridiculous and pathetic.

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Last week I began a rant about cell phone providers (judging from your feedback on customer service quality and customer disservice I am definitely not alone).

In my rant I got as far my interaction with the obviously pseudonymous Sprint representative named "Dwayne" who was also obviously nowhere near U.S. shores (what a load of $#!&!) when I got sidetracked by my observations about outsourced customer disservice.

My biggest complaint about this lame excuse for service is that I don't understand why the companies doing the outsourcing and the outsourcers can't do a better job using the people and facilities they've got. The incessant verification of details, the unctuous, smarmy presentation, the incessant 'thank you's', the total inability to do anything beyond what their pitiful scripts cover are simply ridiculous and pathetic.

Anyway, my big question for "Dwayne" was when will my Vonage number be ported to one of the accounts I'd just set up? He told me that as Vonage is considered a wireline provider I needed to talk with Sprint's wireline department. After having me hold for about eight minutes to transfer me he informed me that he couldn't do so as the department was currently closed ($#!&!).

So, bright and early the next morning I called the wireline department (note that I'm leaving out all of the interminable sessions of listening to music that I really don't like while on hold) ($#!&!) and eventually I got "Phyllis" who told me that the transfer would take four or five days (if Vonage was a cellular provider the transfer would only take four or five hours) ($#!&!).

OK, I could live with that but why was there no number associated with the cell phone in the meantime? Ah, that was because I placed the order on Sprint's Web site and when you request a number transfer that way it is assumed that you are requesting the transfer of a cellular number. Why? Because requests for wireline number transfers apparently only amount to one or two percent of the total and as cellular transfers only take a few hours the system doesn't bother to assign a temporary number.

So, let me get this right: Sprint created an ordering system that would piss off between one in 100 and one in 50 of their new customers who request a number transfer? Really? I mean, seriously? Wow. What can you say? (Other than $#!&)

OK, how about assigning to what is currently a paper weight a number until the transfer completes. Ah, can't do that, once the transfer has been requested the system locks the account. OK, how about canceling the transfer, unlocking the account, assigning a number, then re-requesting the transfer.

Sure, no problem, that can be done, except that it will add five more days to the transfer process ($#!&! … no, $#!&, $#!&, $#!&) (and *%@^).

It's the sheer amateurishness of the whole mess that amazes me. Sprint apparently just threw a system together rather than built what the rest of us would expect; a real IT solution to run a multi-billion dollar business.