Hello, you've reached customer service. My name is Jeremiah, how are you today?

Oh, hi, yes, I'm fine except my cell phone stopped working!

Thank you for that information sir. Are you calling from your cell phone?

My cell phone? No, I told you, it stopped working, there's no service.

Thank you for that information sir. What is your number please?

My number! I already entered that already. Twice! Didn't you get it?

No, I am sorry sir, but I didn't get your number, could you repeat it please?

OK, it's 805-555-1212.

Thank you for that information sir. Please hold for one or two minutes while I access your account.

[Bad music. Three minutes later.] Thank you for your patience. I have your account in front of me Mrs. Smith and …

Excuse me, my name isn't Smith and do I sound like a woman to you?

Oh, I'm sorry, thank you for that information sir. Your number, could you give it to me please?

Again?! It's 805-555-1212.

Thank you for that information sir. Please hold for one or two minutes while I access your account.

[Bad music. Six minutes later.] Hello sir? Thank you for your patience sir. I see you requested a number transfer.

Yes, that's right, I want my home phone number which is on Vonage to be my cell number.

Thank you for that information sir. That is being done right now, sir, and should be complete by the 20th.

The 20th? But that's 10 days away! Why is it going to take so long?!

Thank you for your patience sir. The reason is Vonage is a wireline service and it takes longer to transfer than from a cell phone.

But why do I have no cell phone service now? It worked yesterday!

Thank you for that information sir. Please hold for one or two minutes while I access your account.

[Bad music. Five minutes later.] Thank you for your patience, Mrs. Smith …

For heaven's sake! I told you, my name isn't Mrs. Smith!

Oh, excuse me and thank you for that information sir. Your number, could you repeat it again please ma'am, er, sir?

FOR GOD'S SAKE! IT IS 805-555-1212. WRITE IT DOWN MAN!

Thank you for that information sir. Please hold for one or two minutes while I access your account.

[Bad music. Nine minutes later.] Thank you for your patience, sir. I see you cancelled your account.

What?! No! I just requested a number transfer.