The Wall Street Journal had several articles about how recruiters are using the internet to uncover “digital dirt” about applicants by looking at their My Space pages and about the issues associated with accepting a Facebook “friend” request from your boss that resulted in some interesting conversation at the Hanley dinner table. (A “friend” request in Facebook creates a link between you and your friend and makes it possible for you to see more information about that person). Over Winter break, all three of my children were home - a high school sophomore, a college junior, and a first year graduate student – and I brought up these articles one night.
Neither of my two older children said that they would accept a “friend request” from their boss – they both thought it would be inappropriate but they couldn’t quite explain to me how they would explain to their boss why they would say no to the request. I mentioned that I thought you could segregate which information you shared with which “friends” on Facebook but both thought that thinking about his level of ‘security’ was more trouble than it was worth. I’m not sure that they are going to be able to chose to ignore multiple types of social connections on Facebook much longer. This week, I got an e-mail about a new Facebook community for a Microsoft partner network to which I belong. The e-mail encouraged all the members to join Facebook, download the widget, and explore Facebook features. So, I “bit” and after downloading the PartnerPoint widget, I decided to see what else I could do. One option lets you link to your AIM buddy list and see if any of your buddies are in Facebook. That’s where the fun began. I immediately found my two older children and clicked on the button that sends them a “friend” request. Here’s what happened:
Early this morning, I received the following e-mail from my daughter:
"please remove yourself from facebook immediately. seriously mom. there is no way i am accepting your friend request. its just creepy. facebook is not for parents"
The email was followed by the following instant message exchange, which I think raises some interesting issues for social networking sites. I’m not sure I have all the answers, but I sure got a big laugh out of this and it definitely raises some issues that we all need to think about when it comes to merging social and professional networking:
Daughter (11:46:42 AM): hi mom are you there?
Daughter (11:47:46 AM): why did you get facebook?
Sue (11:48:31 AM): I “got” Facebook because of a work community that just set themselves up on Facebook. You need to get over the "facebook is not for parents" thing. A LOT of companies are using it and I am in a Microsoft Partner community that is on Facebook so I wanted to sign up.
Sue (11:48:51 AM): You don't have to accept the friend request - I was just experimenting to see how it worked.
Daughter (11:49:06 AM): ridiculous
Sue (11:49:26 AM): No, it's the wave of the future. get over it.
Daughter (11:49:58 AM): ok well it’s one thing if you want it for work, but friending me is another thing
Sue (11:50:16 AM): that was only an experiment to see how it worked. as I said, you can ignore it!
Daughter (11:50:28 AM): okay well i didn’t want you to be all offended about it
Sue (11:51:06 AM): Offended, I was hysterical! Be careful though, you might make it to my blog!
Daughter (11:51:27 AM): ugh
Daughter (11:51:40 AM): my friends came in the room and laughed
Sue (11:51:55 AM): That's OK, my friends are going to laugh too!
Daughter (11:51:56 AM): they thought your picture was your driver's license picture haha
Daughter (11:52:03 AM): by the way, you should change that picture
Daughter (11:52:06 AM): its pretty awful
Sue (11:52:28 AM): Too funny, someone wrote me that they thought the picture was great.
Daughter (11:53:08 AM): it doesn’t even look like you
Daughter (11:53:11 AM): and its blurry
Daughter (11:53:18 AM): and awkward
Daughter (11:53:25 AM): you can do better mom haha
Sue (11:54:11 AM): I think it's blurry on your connection, it's not blurry on mine. That's very wierd.
Sue (11:54:32 AM): I can put my formal head shot up and then you can decide if you like that one better.
Daughter (11:56:09 AM): did you friend C. and B. too?
Daughter (11:56:13 AM): or just me?
Sue (11:56:59 AM): I friended B. but C. didn't come up so I couldn't friend him. I haven't quite figured out how to find people on Facebook yet.
Daughter (11:57:21 AM): did brian accept
Sue (11:58:03 AM): B. didn't accept yet. I have no clue if he will.
Daughter (11:59:22 AM): ugh this is why i hate facebook. companies need their own portals for networking
Daughter (11:59:55 AM): the sanctity of facebook is ruined
Sue (12:01:29 PM): At some point, you will be a grown up too and you will be really angry if you have to completely change how you network now that you are not in college. Think about it - your whole world is Facebook right now. Do you really want to change that after you leave college?
Daughter (12:02:20 PM): the people that i keep in touch with are my age
Daughter (12:02:35 PM): maybe if they had a separate "seniors facebook" for all you old people that would be fine
Daughter (12:02:50 PM): but facebook has only been around for a couple of years
Daughter (12:02:59 PM): so the earliest users aren’t much older than i am
Sue (12:03:22 PM): it's really a matter of choosing what information you expose to which people. Yes, the people you keep in touch with today are your age, but that will not always be the case. Plus the context in which you know people will change. And guess what, the demographics of Facebook users are rapidly changing.
Daughter (12:03:48 PM): yes but the ways in which i use facebook are very college
Daughter (12:03:53 PM): posting pictures, talking to friends
Daughter (12:04:04 PM): when i graduate, that will change
Sue (12:04:11 PM): Yes, that's how you use it TODAY, but that may not be how you want to use it in the future.
Daughter (12:04:16 PM): ugh
Daughter (12:04:26 PM): that’s only because people like you join and change it
Sue (12:04:56 PM): No, that's really because the earliest Facebook users are now out of college and are trying to figure out how to make money out of their invention.
Sue (12:05:36 PM): Unfortunately, college students don't have a lot of disposable income that advertisers (the people who support Facebook) can leverage. That's why they need us "old people." We got the dough.
Daughter (12:07:28 PM): whatever. just don’t expect me to be facebook friends with you
Sue (12:07:57 PM): Not to worry, I wasn't expecting anything!
Hanley is an independent consultant and president of her own firm, Susan Hanley LLC, where she specializes in the design and development of portal solutions and knowledge management consulting.
She is co-author of Essential SharePoint 2007: Delivering High-Impact Collaboration. Read a free chapter of the book.
The Leader in Network Knowledge
I understand where your
I understand where your children are coming from. I believe Facebook is working on roll based permissions therefore, you can maintain both professional and personal with one account on facebook. The whole convergence thing does get challenging when you mix work and personal life on either myspace or facebook.
RKM
Friending my kids
I am the father of teenagers - two teenage boys, to be precise. As teenagers, they have to be involved in things their friends are involved in. As it turned out, their friends were involved in MySpace. Both my kids (in their early teens at the time) swallowed their integrity and alleged that they were old enough to sign up (this is reminiscent of someone copying a video tape or disk that has the FBI warning at the beginning).
After I discovered that the only way to see their MySpace account was to be their friend, I decided to be friends with my kids. My older son was instantly impressed when he found out -- I think I got some cool points, at least initially. He received my friend "request" and said, "Hey dad, you got a MySpace . . . COOL!" On reflection, I think that this was the only time he ever thought so. Shortly after gaining access to his site, I "recommended" that he remove my home phone number and my address from his site. I then suggested that he review the site and remove anything that would cause his mother to blush. I've done this a couple of times since, but there are fewer and fewer problems.
My younger son witnessed this interaction and questioned the logic of adding his dad as a "friend." After a couple of days during which I waited patiently for him to add me, he casually asked what would happen if he chose not to. I just as casually responded that I would honor his decision by banning him from the MySpace community.
He added me shortly thereafter.
http://carterfsmith.blogspot.com/2007/12/how-i-got-started-on-social-networking.html
I wonder if this is a "boy" thing or is it a "Mom" thing?
Thanks so much for your insights. I wish I could have the same influence over my kids! :-) One friend told me that her husband signed up for a Facebook account and "friended" their son at college. Their son accepted the invitation. The father is really keeping on top of what his son is doing and feels very engaged. However, when my friend suggested to her son that she do the same thing, he repied that perhaps it was a better idea to just get the information "filtered" through their father. I'm guessing that there are some you just don't want your mother to know!