NetZero = Zero Net

I have recently conceived a new word, during the inexcusable absence from my blog.

Adopting the usual, "if I thought of it, then surely it already exists" approach, I consulted the mother of all online (mis)information, Wikipedia, and found no entry for my new term.

Therefore, I proclaim, from here on, when referring to a blog, which is infrequently updated, it shall be called a slog(n).  Furthermore, the practicing of such irresponsible posting, in randomly excessive time intervals, shall be known as, slogging(v) and one who engages in such practices, shall be known as a slogger(n).

Not to be confused with the cricket shot, super-logarithms, Oddworld characters or a portmanteau of "sports" and "blog".

While, Wikipedia does have a very exhaustive, and interesting, listing of blogging terms, the term slog was not one of them.

Anyway, I hope Network World and my cult following of three faithful readers, will accept my sincerest apologies, and give me the chance to transform my slog, back into a blog.

Now the excuses.

Details aside, I have spent a portion of the last week, away from my place of residence and my fictitious office (being unemployed, that's what I call the cubicle that I rent); the locations from which I blog.

In preparation for my departure, I made sure that my destination would have some sort of internet access.  Bringing along a laptop, several cables, and my cell phone, I was prepared to blog in any region.

I was wrong.

Firstly, my cell phone provider, which for the purpose of anonymity will only refer to as "V", had misrepresented its coverage area for this region.  When attempting to use my phone, and kindly asking anyone, "Can you hear me now?".... I heard nothing but silence.

The only form of modern communication technology at my disposal was a single pair of copper lines.  What was I concerned about?  This former phone phreaker would have no problem hacking into, I mean, connecting to an ISP for internet access. 

Once again, wrong.  Although.... maybe...sort of.... kind of.... a little bit, my fault.

I remember the excitement of yesteryear, when Hayes released its 1200 Baud modem, and then years later, telneting at fax-like, lightning speeds of 14,400. However, to be honest, it had been awhile since I had worked with dial up scripting, or configured parity and stop bits, for using a modem connection.

When performing a custom Windows update, as I usually do, you are often presented with the optional hardware and software updates.  It's been a good four or five years since I've updated anything containing the words "modem" or "fax".  That coincides with last time I probably (willingly) used dial up.  Although, I soon realized that this might be a problem, as vague memories of RASMAN exploits began to surface in my mind.   Nevertheless, I wasn't going to let some missing security updates stand between me and my blog.

I just needed one of those "free" dial up ISP services, like Juno or NetZero.

Fortunately, my recycle bin still contained some free useless preinstalled software that came with the computer.  I never thought I would actually be happy to see the NetZero icon back on my desktop.

With a phone line, an RJ-11 port and NetZero's offer of free internet service, what could go wrong?

Many things.

Instead of boring you with all the technical errors, I will just provide a random sampling.

• Frequently ceased working and required my choosing, yet more dial up numbers, ensuring that long distance rates would apply.
• Successful connection, quickly followed by "freezing" the PC.
• Consistently dropped access when attempting to navigate to any website.
• Upon succumbing to tech support, I was presented with several unique methods for troubleshooting:  
  • The suggestion of disabling any antivirus or firewall software.
  • Being told to close my account and restart, using a new username.
  • Instructed to uninstall the NetZero software and download the latest version from their website. (When explaining the difficulty of this feat, when one cannot connect to the internet, I was kindly offered a NetZero disk via postal mail, which would only take 2-3 weeks for delivery.)

That pretty much sums up my experience. 

It sounds a lot better than, "My dog ate my Blog."

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