Wireless in the Air: Web Sí, Talk No

Lord knows the airlines need something. They've been squeezed between high fuel prices and their own inability to offer decent customer service. But there's still a competitive market for air travel out there, albeit at higher prices and with less availability and  the requirement of extreme patience on the part of the traveler.

The flyboys and girls need more revenue. So JetBlue is charging US$7 for a pillow and a blanket, but they note that said pillow and blanket will actually be clean and are yours to keep - carrying case included. That's worth seven bucks, IMHO, but wait, there's more: the deal comes with a US$5 coupon for Bed, Bath and Beyond, so the net cost is really only US$2! US Air is charging for beverages that were previously free. That's OK with me as well. But what I really want is Wi-Fi in the sky, and, yes, I'll also pay for that.

So it's interesting that Delta yesterday announced that they'll provide Wi-Fi, for a nominal fee, on many of their flights. The technology supplier is Aircell. All the usual data services are supported, but there's no mention of allowing VoFi or Skype or voice in any form in the release, which is interesting.

Because, at the same time, the backlash against yakking in the air is picking up steam. Few people used Verizon's now-defunct AirFone service because it was just too expensive. But if one could use one's personal cell phone, well, that's another story. Even if there's an additional charge, we'd still have to suffer through long, detailed, loud discussions of how Aunt Sophie's beloved Chihuahua, Paco El Terrible, has to be slathered with medicated salve for that terrible rash he's developed, or that Watkins in accounting needs to join the corporate outplacement program because he refuses to bathe regularly. Heck, even if these conversations occur in a "confidential tone" (I love that phrase), the monastic life (or at least one free of air travel) could suddenly have more than passing appeal. Will we see yakking and no-yakking seating?

That's why it's worth noting that a bill to ban phones on aircraft is now making its way through Congress. As unconstitutional as this may be (um, is), I might be tempted in this case to look the other way. But I doubt this one will pass, and I'm against it - provided all who are allowed to talk on their phones in the air take a sensitivity course on good manners. Lower your voice. Don't use profanity. Keep it brief. Don't discuss corporate secrets. OK, the last one is just common sense, which, as the joke goes, isn't all that common anymore.

Both voice and data services on airplanes, you see, are like pillows, blankets, drinks, and checked baggage - sources of additional revenue the airlines desperately need. Personally, I'd prefer that the airlines consolidate, raise prices, and simply do their jobs without nickel-and-diming us to death, and without engendering any more ill will between them and us. But if I need to get from point A to Point B, as I do, and often, I'll deal with it, and Wi-Fi and the occasional, polite, brief call are big aids to those of us who live on aircraft.

I don't think charging for the first checked bag is a good idea, mind you, as it simply slows down the security and boarding processes as everyone tries to fit their bags into the limited overhead space. I think there ought to be more legroom, so that one can actually use one's underseat storage without suffering from a deep vein thrombosis. And I think flight schedules should be more realistic so we're not always late. If a few more dollars in exchange for valuable services helps the airlines survive to the point where these become reality, sign me up.