I'm not exaggerating: "Reports of [fill in the blank's] Death are Greatly Exaggerated" headlines drive me nuts

I enjoy Mark Twain as much as the next Renaissance Man, but one thing I just can't stand is the tired, tired, tired use of his exaggerated death quotatation (typically referred to as "Reports of My Death Have Been Greatly Exaggerated," though the original quote was supposedly a bit different than that, as seen above). I mean, how about tossing in his "Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education" quip once in a while?

Anyway, Steve Jobs is the latest to abuse the quote, assuring the Apple faithful that he isn't going to croak anytime soon, as had been rumored.  He walked onto a stage during an iPod Nano announcement today in front of a screen that read: "The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated."

Earlier this summer, we were assured that NAC (network access control) is keeping the grim reaper at bay by research firm Infonetics, which issued a press release about a new report headlined: "Reports of NAC's death have been greatly exaggerated: market up 16% in 1Q08."

Not that Network World and its sister publications have been immune to this cliched business.

Computerworld last October paraphrased SCO Group's CEO in this headline: "McBride: Reports of SCO's death greatly exaggerated." And sure enough, SCO isn't dead quite yet, wrangling $100 million from a private equity firm while under Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection.

Last fall we also wrote in our huge package on Networking's 50 Greatest Arguments that packaged software shouldn't be written off just yet:

There’s no doubt software-as-a-service is revolutionizing the business applications market. And while most people will say the death of packaged software has been greatly exaggerated, that won’t stop a few software-as-a-service proponents from claiming the battle has already been won.

One Network World blogger even referred to the phone number's pending exit in a Twainian way in this headline: "The News of the Phone Numbers Death Has Been Greatly Exaggerated."

A couple of our newsletter writers also assured us that telecom companies aren't doomed:

Our analysis: While fixed mobile convergence move along at a snail’s pace, perhaps the popularity of mobile access will help carriers pick up the pace of deployments. And for those who thought that telecom was a dying industry, to paraphrase the saying, the reports of telecom’s demise “may have been greatly exaggerated.” 

We've also had to bring Java developers in off the ledge: "Rumors greatly exaggerated -- Java's demise."

Oh, and don't forget CSO magazine's warning about McAfee and the like: 

Antivirus firms think their death is greatly exaggerated, thank you very much -- even those that aren't overly reliant on signatures, like BitDefender, which says that signature-based techniques account for only 20 percent of the malware it catches.

CSO, in fact, has made similar warnings about other security technologies: "Rumors of WEP's demise are greated exaggerated."

CIO magazine has reassured laptop users that we aren't going back to desktops or worse: "Reports on the Death of the Laptop...May be Greatly Exaggerated."

Of course some things in IT really have bitten the dust, as outlined in our Network Industry Graveyard slideshow last year. To which Twain would have replied: "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."

Bob Brown, news editor, Network World

More must-reads from Bob Brown:

 

* What "The Sopranos" taught me about technology (plus our Sopranos tech quiz)

http://www.networkworld.com/news/2007/091307-sopranos-technology.html

http://www.networkworld.com/slideshows/2007/091307-sopranos-tech-quiz.html

 

* Behind the scenes of MIT's network

http://www.networkworld.com/news/2007/011907-mit-your-take.html?page=1

 

* What makes Harvard's net tick

http://www.networkworld.com/news/2006/030606-harvard-net.html

 

* The network industry's most colorful story ever

http://www.networkworld.com/news/2006/121806-network-industry-most-colorful-story.html

• Mark Twain