Killjoy lectures kids about the evils of giving away lemonade

And in the process this newspaper columnist redefines being a sourpuss

Finally we have gotten to the bottom of what's wrong with America: It is little girls giving cups of lemonade to strangers free of charge.

Or so says Chicago Sun-Times columnist Terry Savage in a breathtakingly moronic diatribe touched off by her chance encounter with three young girls who had the audacity to run a lemonade stand without what she considers the requisite profit motive. Savage not only spurns their kind-hearted offer, she goes on to lecture the children - and then her readership - about how free lemonade is destroying the very fabric of America (I exaggerate not).

Her single hackneyed point - that there is no free lunch - couldn't possibly have been more out of place or boorishly applied than when heaped upon the heads of three innocents just out to quench thirsts and make people smile.     

Here's a taste of Lemonade Stand 101 from Professor Killjoy:

"No!" I exclaimed from the back seat. "That's not the spirit of giving. You can only really give when you give something you own. They're giving away their parents' things -- the lemonade, cups, candy. It's not theirs to give."

I pushed the button to roll down the window and stuck my head out to set them straight.

"You must charge something for the lemonade," I explained. "That's the whole point of a lemonade stand. You figure out your costs -- how much the lemonade costs, and the cups -- and then you charge a little more than what it costs you, so you can make money. Then you can buy more stuff, and make more lemonade, and sell it and make more money."

A Twitter follower of mine questioned whether the encounter actually took place at all, since "real kids would have thrown the lemonade in (her) face."

At the risk of belaboring the obvious, how about Savage had done this instead: Graciously accept the offer of free lemonade, thank the children for their generosity - smile -- and consider the experience a lesson for everyone in putting fellowship ahead of profit. Even your corporate behemoths - the more enlightened ones -- do this kind of thing now and again.

There will be plenty of other opportunities to teach the kids about bare-knuckled capitalism.

(Update: Seems I owe Savage an apology; America is doomed. Network World employees just received an e-mail informing us that on four Wednesday afternoons this summer we will be getting free ice cream delivered right here to the building.)

(Correction: It's been brought to my attention that Terry Savage is a woman, hence pronoun changes have been made above. My apologies to men.)

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