Oh, no, Mr. Bill

Poor Mr. Bill. Bill Clinton seems determined to emulate that loser doughboy from the old "Saturday Night Live" who was forever getting run over or crushed by the evil Mr. Sluggo.

Politics and technology never seem to go well together (think tape recorders and 18 1/2 minute gaps). The whole "e-rate" controversy demonstrates just how dangerous a semi-technical politician can be.

The first case involves the typical political suspects. We have Newt Gingrich playing the role of the evil Sluggo. And cast in the ever lovable supporting role of Mr. Bill's dog Spot, Al Gore.

In our opening, Mr. Bill and Spot try and do something noble and kind - put the Internet within reach of public-school students everywhere. Of course, they had to find a way to pay for it. No doubt inspired by all those companies who insist on using the phrase "e-business" (even the anglophobic French have succumbed; see L'e-business sur le Net), Mr. Bill and Spot proposed their "e-rate," which stands for "education rate."

Translation: They proposed an "e-tax" to offset the costs of hooking up schools and libraries to high-speed Internet links.

While this by itself is a logical notion (the funding has to come somewhere), they decided to e-rate, sorry, tax the long-distance companies, which is kind of like putting a toll on a long-distance highway to pay for stop lights in the center of the city.

Rather than pay this e-rate tax (kindly labeled the "Gore Tax" by Sluggo and pals) themselves, the long distance companies (AT&T, MCI, etc.) have done what any smart business would do - pass the tax onto their customers. Mr. Bill has countered by claiming that they have more than enough money to pay it based on the decreased local access fees they have been paying over the last year. This is an interesting, but not particularly relevant, point as I can't think of too many other businesses that would not (and do not) pass this type of tax on to the consumer (something that really is unfortunate since the tax is generally intended to be on the company).

Unfortunately for Mr. Bill, Sluggo and even some of Mr. Bill's Democratic pals have done a pretty good job of putting Mr. Bill on the defensive on this issue. [See Feds fumble phone fund, Network World, 6/15/98.]

Ultimately, however, I have to side with Clinton on this issue. We do need to improve Internet access to our schools and libraries - although I do not think this particular e-tax is the correct way to fund such programs.

But wait, there's more.

At a recent press event, Mr. Bill suggested that states impose "technological literacy" standards for middle-school students. It's a good idea (along the lines of motherhood). Unfortunately, he suggested that students be tested on their ability to demonstrate proficiency with 1) a word processor, 2) a Web browser, and 3) an Internet search engine. Just to be complete, he also suggested that these students be able to compile a spreadsheet.

So basically, Mr. Bill wants to teach school kids how to use Microsoft products. With this plan to convert teachers into Microsoft salespeople, Mr. Bill's missed the whole point of technical literacy by about three light years - and given one heck of an opportunity to the other Mr. Bill - Gates.

Yes, students should be technically literate. But instead of simply ensuring they know how to type a memo in Word or a URL in a Location box, we should focus on ensuring they understand the technology that makes such feats possible in the first place.

We have enough people who know how to use Word templates. What we really need are more people who can create the next generation of applications. I want my kids to learn how to design a network, not just use the one we already have. Let's face it, applications change all the time, as does technology (remember when schools on the cutting edge taught students how to change the print balls in IBM Selectrics?).

I don't want my kid's daily schedule to include Microsoft 101 in between social studies and advanced math - imagine that some eighth grader could one day be flunked because he's failed spell check. Yet that's just what Redmond Bill would find a way to do. And that has me really scared.

So let us find a way to fund Internet connections to our schools, and provide state of the art computers, because they can be a powerful tool to assist a student's learning process. But let's not forget to set standards that show our kids how these computer technologies work, not just how to use them.