Apple: The cell phone 'Soup Nazi'

By Mike Elgan, Computerworld
March 16, 2009 09:52 AM ET

Maybe I'm a pathetic Seinfeld fanboy, but it occurred to me this week that each smartphone handset maker is exactly like a restaurant in the popular '90s TV series.

Research In Motion, or RIM, which makes the BlackBerry line of phones, is like Seinfeld's neighborhood coffee shop. RIM phones simply work. Nothing fancy, but they're very popular, functional and great for every day.

Like Babu's restaurant, Palm would be popular if it didn't constantly change the menu, fail to innovate and offer people what they don't want.

And then there's Apple. The company is just like the "Soup Nazi" (see YouTube video)" when it comes to both product quality and customer service.

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Apple's iPhone is great. Most people love it. Like the Soup Nazi's soup, the iPhone is hot, tasteful and appealing. But buying one can be very unpleasant, just like buying soup from the Soup Nazi.

'You want bread? Three dollars!'

My son decided this week to convert from his BlackBerry Bold to the iPhone 3G. He was already an AT&T customer. Light on funds, he sold his Bold on Craigslist to raise money for the new iPhone.

After waiting 45 minutes, he told the AT&T rep he wanted to buy an 8GB iPhone 3G. He was told that in one month he would qualify for an upgrade, and thereby save $200. He was also told that once he upgraded, he would have to renew his contract for two years. Even if he paid the $200 and upgraded immediately, the contract would be reset.

The iPhone is the only phone that I'm aware of that resets the contract for an "upgrade." Isn't that why they call it an upgrade? You have your contract, and you're simply upgrading the phone associated with that contract.

But Apple is different. Apple is special. Apple is ready to send potential customers packing if they don't play by arbitrary rules that no other handset maker requires.

Of course, a new customer off the street gets the discounted price and the iPhone, both without waiting. My son could have pretended to be a new customer, but he'd have to pay an early termination fee on his contract and lose his phone number.

He didn't like this arrangement, but really wanted an iPhone. So he decided to accept the one month wait and the requirement that his contract would start over. But he needed a phone. So he bought an unlocked HTC G1, the first Google Android phone, to use with his AT&T account for the next month. His intention was to sell it after the month was over.

It turns out he likes the HTC G1, and now intends to keep it instead of buying an iPhone. In terms of actual hardware, he prefers the iPhone. But HTC let him just buy a phone and use it immediately without penalties, contract resets or other hassles. It seems to him that it actually wants his business, so he's sticking with HTC.

This experience reminded me of what my wife went through when she decided to buy an iPhone to replace her malfunctioning BlackBerry, an event I blogged about back in September.

Initially, the AT&T store rep told my wife (erroneously, it turns out) that she was ineligible to upgrade to an iPhone at any price. After spending several hours both at the store and on the phone with AT&T, it turns out that she was only eligible to upgrade to any phone in the entire AT&T inventory without penalty -- except, of course, the iPhone. That would cost an extra $200.

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