The Macalope Weekly: They're on to us!

IPad owners are characterized as selfish elites

Look out, Apple fans! Stunning new research shows not only what jerks we are but how we’re also just one big cult. What’s next? Will they figure out the recipe to our fantastic peach cobbler?! Not only that, one silly pundit has advice for Google on how to finish the iPhone once and for all. How did they figure all this out in one week?!

And, on top of that, our moms dress us funny

What’s the surest way to get people talking about your poll? Call an enthusiastic fan base a bunch of names! At least that’s what MyType, a company that does personality-typing on Facebook, decided when they wanted to pimp one of its recent surveys.

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Look out, Apple fans! Stunning new research shows not only what jerks we are but how we’re also just one big cult. What’s next? Will they figure out the recipe to our fantastic peach cobbler?! Not only that, one silly pundit has advice for Google on how to finish the iPhone once and for all. How did they figure all this out in one week?!

And, on top of that, our moms dress us funny

What’s the surest way to get people talking about your poll? Call an enthusiastic fan base a bunch of names! At least that’s what MyType, a company that does personality-typing on Facebook, decided when they wanted to pimp one of its recent surveys.

iPad owners are best characterized as selfish elites. Wealthier, older and more educated, they are sophisticated, highly value power and achievement, and are not very kind or altruistic.

OK, now that you’ve had a long cold stare in the mirror, let’s look at who was actually polled: 200 iPad owners and 400 people who aren’t even iPad owners but say they plan to buy one. All of whom are the kind of people pre-disposed to answering Facebook quizzes.

Most of the iPad owners the Macalope knows would rather be dropped head-first into a barrel full of deer ticks than answer a Facebook quiz, so there’s some question about selection bias here.

Selfish people are more likely to be iPad Owners: people who do not value benevolence are 39% more likely, those who do not value altruism are 33% more likely, and detached/uncompassionate people are 22% more likely.

Note the use of “more likely.” Even if you think these results are indicative of iPad owners as a whole, it’s not true to say iPad owners are selfish and unkind as most salaciously reported this. It’s only fair to say they skew that way.

As with most of the surveys he takes exception to, the Macalope’s not necessarily disputing the results vis-a-vis the sample population. He’s disputing the survey’s value in predicting the personalities of iPad owners as a whole. Apple’s sold millions of iPads and we’re supposed to think 200 Facebook users are somehow representative of the rest of us? Pollster, please.

Ultimately, MyType tips its hand when it gets to talking about iPad critics.

Critics are less imaginative, enthusiastic and extraverted than the average person.

Oh, so they’re miserable individuals, too. MyType is simply highlighting the worst possible look at both sides just to get attention. This is the poll result equivalent of standing on the end of the diving board and yelling “Look at me! Look at me! Look at me! Look what I can do! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! MOMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!”

Yes, honey. That’s very nice.

[Goes back to drinking.]

Dogma is my copilot

BREAKING: Fox News’s John R. Quain reports on how Apple manages to be successful despite its many, many very obvious gaffes, flaws, gaucheries and solecisms.

Its tablet computer can’t play most of the videos on the Web … its cell phone has trouble making voice calls … and yet its products are wildly popular, selling millions worldwide…