By Chris Nerney
Network World, 1/4/99
 Go ahead, hold the hand of the IT professional next to you.
Having your own pending cataclysm is kind of fun. It brings humanity together. Like in science fiction movies, when the people of Earth find out a giant meteor hurtling through space is going to smash into them in exactly six days, 13 hours and 36 minutes, obliterating life as they know it. Unless a sequel is already in the works.
That's the effect our own little meteor, Year 2000, should have in 1999 as the serious countdown to disaster begins. It should make the people of Planet IT forget their petty differences and focus instead on a common goal: Bringing down Microsoft.
Oops, sorry. That's another movie. The real common goal is to find a way to deflect the Y2K meteor before the world's computers strike 2000, preferably without giving Bruce Willis points on the gross.
Otherwise, Earthlings will flee pell-mell from the cities, causing the kind of gridlock that can be successfully traversed only by the protagonist, his love interest, some plucky little kid and a cute dog that "talks to us" when he barks.
Well, 'Net Buzz wishes to avoid the looting, mayhem and maudlin goodbye scenes common to global disaster scenarios. Therefore, we call upon the leaders of the IT world - the kind of people included in this Power Issue - to unite and find way to overcome Y2K.
You, Bill Gates. I want you and Janet Reno to hug each other. C'mon, give each other a big ol' squeeze! Don't worry, we'll avert our eyes. (Really, who would want to witness that?)
And you, Scott McNealy. Drop that putter, pancake makeup and retread Top Ten list and wrap your gangly arms around Big Bill. Sure he's trying to destroy Sun's Java dream, but if together you don't find a Y2K solution by New Year's Eve, Java will again be no more than another word for coffee and an Indonesian island southeast of Sumatra with an area of 51,007 square miles. Try to squeeze that on a logo.
While there will be issues to resolve, I think 1999 will see the IT world successfully unite to save us all from the Y2K computer implosion. Otherwise, the following predictions are rendered invalid:
- Microsoft settles antitrust suit. Chastened software giant then buys IBM, Sun and Department of Justice.
- Revival of '80s dance hit "1999" by The Artist Formerly Known as Prince tires quickly.
- "Netscape nostalgia" grips populace.
The following people are officially designated "Internet visionaries":
- Matt Drudge - for showing us that anybody, and I truly mean anybody, can make a name for himself through cyberspace.
- Carmen Electra - can you say marketing?
- Mark Gibbs - not really, but I owe him a plug.
First vestige of Internet governance emerges: The People's Spam Court.
On eve of destruction, a Savior appears online. Bid to save world fails when ISP - America Online - crashes.
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'Net Buzz wishes all its readers and contributors a great holiday and an even better 1999. And here's a great way to start off the new year: Send your best Internet news and Y2K solutions to Chris Nerney at (508) 820-7451 or cnerney@ nww.com. Together we can save the world - and then cash in.
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