I’m down with Microsoft’s unintelligible cloud rapper

Marketing video featuring NoClue getting a bad rap

Here's all I know about rap music: MC Hammer wore baggy pants.

Nevertheless, I'm going to venture into unfamiliar territory and disagree with the growing chorus of criticism being directed at a Microsoft marketing video called "Cloud Rap: World's Fastest Rapper on Windows Azure Cloud." Watch, listen:

Most of the criticism is being focused on the rather obvious fact that it's next to impossible to understand a word being rapped by the rapper, who goes by the name NoClue.  And while it's true - it is next to impossible - the critics are missing the point, because that is the point. We know it's the point because NoClue (granted, not an ideal name for your spokes-rapper) is literally the world's fastest rapper, or at least he was at one time when recognized as such by the Guinness Book of World Records. In its notes on the YouTube version of the video, Microsoft touts an "Azure Fast" video contest, and the song's lyrics - which you can read below - are littered with references to speed.

In sum, NoClue's rap wasn't meant to be understood, it was merely meant to get your attention. And on that level, it works much like the famous FedEx commercials featuring fast-talking John Moschitta.

So rap on, Microsoft and NoClue, at least some of us out here have one.

Here are those lyrics.

Somebody better ... Stop me,

Wait a minute ... They're not me,

Windows Azure got my back can't stop me,

Now ... Watch me,

Scaling web applications so promptly,

Organizing everything in a platform cloud,

Keeping everything together floating around,

Moving at the speed of light never slowing us down,

Comprise three recourses holding it down,

SaaS, software, paaS, platform, IaaS, infrastructure, together it last

We're thinking outside the box,

Staring though Windows,

Secured in a Microsoft data center,

Files send those,

Hosting storage see they commend those,

Management compute,

That's Azure Windows,


Modern day Manzoni, only in my prim and leaving them lonely,

Lonely oenone, there's nothing better you can show me homie,

I'll be using it and moving quicker then anybody,

It's not a hobby, and if you know... me, you know that


Put them in the back of an online backpack,

Moving... this quick so we don't lack,

Wait a minute..., no we gone quick, and that's that

Window Azure moving forward never back,


Staring through windows looking at hadoop, mongoDB, java, were on top

php, python-you can run them quickly.


Hosting storage they commend those.

Content Delivery Network, it's in those.

Creating websites in seconds Azure Windows.


Spinning VM's


Now you can travel light and at that same speed.


Azure Windows, we in this.

Ride with me to the future at full speed.

And let's end with this: the best folksong ever about cloud computing. I guarantee you can understand every word.  

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