Headed west on the Massachusetts Turnpike, I pass a car being operated by a young woman who has both hands firmly on the steering wheel, just like they teach when you get your license. Rather than the classic 10 o'clock-2 o'clock positioning, however, hers are clamped more like 11:45 and 12:15, or the optimum setup for thumb-texting on whatever device it was she had balanced in between.
And texting she was, most furiously.
(2010's 25 Geekiest 25th Anniversaries)
Dangerous behavior, yes, but barely noteworthy these days and not what made me do the triple-take.
What did?
That would be her left foot.
Her left foot?
You heard me, her left foot, which instead of being on the floorboard near its significant other, her right foot, was sticking out the driver's side window practically begging passersby to play This Little Piggy. ("This little piggy went to market ... this little piggy is admiring itself in the side-view mirror ...")
Texting like a madwoman, toes flapping in the breeze, tooling on down the highway: This diva was not only the embodiment of distracted driving, but a genuine trailblazer.
Coincidentally, Massachusetts on July 2 became the 29th state to outlaw texting while driving, although clearly the prohibition had failed to impress Miss Twinkle-Toes, presuming someone had texted her the news. And my guess would be that she didn't notice my head shaking as I passed her either.
At least she wasn't speeding.
(Final thought: Yes, it has occurred to me that I didn't see what I think I saw; that this scene was actually a variation of the old foot-sticking-out-of-the-trunk gag. Maybe. But the young lady and her seat were definitely reclined, as if to facilitate a full-scale left-foot escape; so if it was a gag it was a darn good one.)
(Update: You say you've seen worse? Please share.)