Superheroes of networking

Faster than a speeding packet

Over the last few years we've been subjected to an endless stream of superhero-themed movies, not one of which had any relevance to the world of IT. What about us? Where are our superheroes? Here's our take on what a networking superhero should be.

Illustrated by Brian Gaidry

Wi-Fi Guy

Secret Identity: The Best Buy marionette

Superpower(s): Transmits thoughts over short distances

Source of Powers: Standardization. And marketing, baby.

Weakness: Wired Equivalent Privacy isn't.

Weapon(s): Dual, dueling antennae; WiFi Speed Spray

Mode of Transportation: Airwaves

Sidekick: Bluetooth Boy

Arch Nemesis: The Wardriver

The Human Firewall

Secret Identity: Harrison Ford

Superpower(s): Can permit or deny access

Source of Powers: ACCESS DENIED

Weakness: Default settings

Weapon(s): Application-layer filters

Mode of Transportation: Unmoving

Sidekick: Savage Honeypot

Arch Nemesis: Dr. SYNflood

The Unshielded Twisted Pair

Secret Identities: Jason Meserve and Keith Shaw

Superpower(s): Huge installed base. They're everywhere

Source of Powers: Low cost

Weakness: No shield! It's right there in the name!

Weapon(s): "Wonder twist powers, activate!"

Mode of Transportation: Through walls, under floors

Sidekick: Fiber-Optic Lad

Arch Nemesis: Alien Crosstalk

The Green Techie

Secret Identity: Al Gore

Superpower(s): Will suck the energy out of your data center unless you bend to his will

Source of Powers: High energy costs

Weakness: High demand

Weapon(s): The Hammer of Hype

Mode of Transportation: Public transportation, naturally

Sidekick: Energy Star

Arch Nemesis: Power User

Packet Sniffer

Secret Identity: The quiet guy in the office who keeps to himself


Source of Powers: He's well-connected

Weakness: Overwhelmed at high speeds

Weapon(s): Nose

Mode of Transportation: Port Mirror

Sidekick: Super Log-Reader

Arch Nemesis: Rogue User

Captain VoIP

Secret Identity: The "Can you hear me now?" guy

Superpower(s): Gets carriers to revamp all of their networks

Source of Powers: Low cost

Weakness: Requires a high quality of service

Weapon(s): The Clock of Inevitability

Mode of Transportation: Handset

Sidekick: The Silent Texter

Arch Nemesis: Jumbo Packet


Secret Identity: Bill Gates

Superpower(s): Slowly taking over the world through his open source message

Source of Powers: Linus Torvalds

Weakness: Is there one?

Weapon(s): The Aura of a Free Lunch

Mode of Transportation: Shoulders of programmers

Sidekick: Tux the Penguin

Arch Nemesis: The Santa Cruz Operator

What do YOU think?

We want to hear from YOU. If you had a networking superhero, who would it be?