Attention technology-obsessed American public: Put down that Apple iPad. Throw away your Droid Incredible. Cancel that pre-order of the Nintendo 3DS. And for the love of Bill Gates, don’t you dare buy a Windows 7 computer.

That’s right: all those newfangled devices are irrelevant. Let’s clear them off the agenda and focus on a real problem: will we be able to use Windows XP in the year 2020?

Sure, Windows XP is nearly a decade old and Microsoft has released two newer operating systems since it hit retail in October 2001. But we just learned, courtesy of my colleagues at Computerworld, that Microsoft has extended Windows XP downgrade rights until 2020.  

As someone who absolutely hates new and improved technology, I danced in joy when I read this article – that is, until I learned from ZDNet that there is a possibility I’ll only be able to buy Windows XP computers until 2015. 

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This is a big problem. I have only five years, 10 at the most, to buy a supply of Windows XP computers big enough to last for the rest of my life.

I’m 31 years old – let’s say I live until I’m 94. I try to get a new computer about every three years, because I like to treat myself and I believe you’re supposed to enjoy life. That means I need to stockpile 21 Windows XP computers to last the rest of my natural existence, because I sure as hell refuse to buy anything more advanced than XP.

On my tech journalist’s salary, can I afford 21 Windows XP computers and still pay for food and shelter? What if Ray Kurzweil is correct and we all live forever? How will I afford enough Windows XP machines to last until our expanding Sun engulfs the Earth 7.6 billion years from now? Even worse, what if the human race perfects space travel and moves to another galaxy, thus guaranteeing indefinite survival? What will I do without a Windows XP laptop when we’re living on the other side of the universe? How will I play FreeCell?

Lacking foresight, I purchased only six Commodore 64 computers when I was 4 years old, and the last one recently died. It is wasting away next to my nostalgic pile of Atari 2600s, ColecoVisions and Apple IIe computers. I store them in the trunk of my Edsel and handle them only with my Nintendo Power Glove to prevent damage from fingerprints and dust.

I REFUSE to make the same mistake with XP.

…

Okay. I just took a break from writing, called a grief hotline and was persuaded that life without Windows XP might be worth living after all. Before this blog post becomes a complete train wreck, let me try to make some real points and sound smart for a couple of paragraphs.

I get it: Windows XP, for all its security flaws, was by and large a successful operating system. People liked it better than Vista. Microsoft made tons of money.

But Windows 7 is on the market, and people seem to like it as much as Vista. You can buy a Mac or Linux machine. You can buy an iPad. You can surf the web on an iPhone or Droid, do e-mail on your BlackBerry.

By 2015, let alone 2020, all the power of 10 Windows XP machines will likely be in the palm of your hand no matter where you are, in devices we haven’t even imagined yet. Granted, some applications that run in Windows XP do not work in Windows 7, but Microsoft solved that problem with Windows Virtual PC, which lets you run XP applications on a W7 desktop.

So who cares whether XP is still available in 2015, let alone 2020?

Nearly three-quarters of business computers still run XP. But analysts, such as Gartner, are advising business customers to start eradicating XP today. Although downgrade rights apparently will last until 2020, Microsoft is scheduled to end support and security patches for XP in 2014. And we’ll probably have Windows 8 by 2012.   

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I am typing this blog post on a Dell Windows XP machine, which I am planning to swap for a Windows 7 computer. If I worked for a company that forced me to use Windows XP in 2015 or 2020, I would find another job.  

Granted, Internet Explorer 6 is still in use, for some reason. But unless you’re living in a tribal village with no access to electricity, you should be disappointed if you have to use a two-decade-old operating system in 2020.

If Windows XP survives another decade, we have failed as a society.

Follow Jon Brodkin on Twitter.