My inbox has been a happening and quite happy place this afternoon.
First, Al Gore writes to enlist my assistance in the struggle against global warming.
Then, surprise of surprises, I hear from a Mrs. Van Duke, lottery coordinator for Global Microsoft Sweepstakes, informing me that I have won $1.5 million just for having an e-mail address.
Gore was first to write so he gets to go first here:
I want to thank you for being a part of the See the Truth movie parties this past Saturday and for helping make them such a huge success. Tens of thousands of us came together to start mobilizing to take on the climate crisis.
I know from personal experience that the only thing that will move Washington to action is the sight of millions of people coming together and pushing for change — and we can’t afford to wait any longer. That’s why I’m asking you to sign this online petition to your representative, demanding immediate action to stop global warming. If you sign it, I’ll personally deliver your comments to Congress in the new year.
Not an hour later, it was Mrs. Van Duke ringing the inbox bell in behalf of Bill Gates:
Dear Lucky Winner,
RE: GLOBAL MICROSOFT SWEEPTAKES LOTTERY PRIZE AWARDS WINNING NOTIFICATION!
Participants were selected anonymously through online cyber ballot system (Computer Ballot) from over 35,000 companies and 70,000 individual names and e-mail addresses all over the world. At the final draw your e-mail address emerged as the winner of our last jackpot. You have therefore been approved for a lump sum pay out of ONE MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS.
Your prize award has been insured with your e-mail address and will be transferred to you upon meeting our requirements, statutory obligations, verifications, validations and satisfactory report.
And to think I won despite having bad-mouthed computer balloting in this very blog.
Now, I could certainly use $1.5 million, what with the higher mortgage of a recently purchased new home, the usual assortment of family bills, and 5-year-old triplets who while in kindergarten today will undoubtedly be whining about wanting to go to college when they’re older.
But ’tis the season … and after much reflection … and re-reading Al’s poignant plea … well, it’s the right thing to do. The prize is all yours, Al. All I ask is that you spend it wisely … and if you make a sequel to “Truth,” maybe consider me for some bit part.
Oh, and if after you’re done saving the planet you could something about college costs, well, I’d be mighty grateful.
