In the never-ending quest to ensure that our readers are happy, mentally balanced and have their loins girded (with cheap girders if need be), this week we will attempt to address some of the more problematic issues you have written in about. … The Doctor is in.
In the never-ending quest to ensure that our readers are happy, mentally balanced and have their loins girded (with cheap girders if need be), this week we will attempt to address some of the more problematic issues you have written in about. . . . The Doctor is in:
Dear Dr. Backspin: My company just cut the IT budget in half but we know that they’ll want us to do the same amount of work as we did last year. This is crazy, what can we do? Worried, New York.
Dear Worried: This one is easy: Most of the people in your company probably have only the vaguest notion about what you do. Do half or even a quarter as much as you’ve been doing for those people and they probably won’t notice the difference. As for the rest who do have a clue, spend what little money you have on keeping them happy and they won’t notice either.
Dear Dr. Backspin: My wife thinks I’m cheating on her because I get home late so often. The real reason is that running our ^$^&%&% network is a job for a team two or three times the size we have so we have to work extra hours to keep it running. She is making my life miserable with her constant accusations and complaints. What should I do? Anxious, Seattle.
Dear Anxious: Hummm. You need to stop putting in the long hours because it is not like the extra effort ensures your job security. Then, once things start going wrong, the message will reach management and they’ll either increase the IT staffing or fire you. And get a mistress. If your wife is that convinced you might as well have a good time. Then if they fire you it will give you something to do.
Dear Dr. Backspin: Our office is very crowded and I have to share a cubicle with another guy who has poor personal hygiene. Should I mention it to him? Disgusted, Palo Alto.
Dear Disgusted: Whether you should mention the issue depends on how big and aggressive he is. If he’s smaller than you then go ahead, raise the subject very loudly so the whole office gets the picture. On the other hand, if he’s bigger than you it’s tough luck. Wear lots of after-shave.
Dear Dr. Backspin: At work my manager keeps saying there’s no “i” in team. I don’t get it; of course team doesn’t have an “i” in it. Do you think he’s illiterate? Puzzled, New Jersey.
Dear Puzzled: Smile, agree, nod and move on. He won’t last. Pray the next manager has a brain.
Dear Dr. Backspin: If I have to work with Windows on our servers much longer I may lose my mind. How can I persuade my company to move to Linux? Frustrated, Miami.
Dear Dr. Backspin: My company wants to move to open source and Linux. I hate the idea, as I’m comfortable with and fully certified on Microsoft products and Linux looks like a big pain in the butt. Irritated, Fort Lauderdale.
Dear Frustrated and Irritated: Hummm, Miami and Fort Lauderdale . . . sounds like it is time for a job swap. I will send you my placement fee schedule.
Dear Dr. Backspin: What is the truth? Is Microsoft really good or evil? Perplexed, Los Angeles.
Dear Perplexed: Microsoft is like the Force or duct tape – it has a light side and a dark side and holds the universe (or at least part of it) together. It’s a metaphysical thing.
Dear Dr. Backspin: Our users are really dumb. What can we do about them? Annoyed, Philadelphia.
Dear Annoyed: Find new users. This will require that you get a job at a company that has smarter users or begin “eliminating” your current ones (you might care to view this as simply giving evolution a helping hand). Your call.
Dear Dr. Backspin: My boss got mad and threw a chair across the office. He claims he didn’t do it. Am I working for a nut? What should I do? Worried, Redmond.
Dear Worried: I would only be concerned if he started dancing like a monkey. And how likely is that?
Send your most personal and troubling questions to backspin@gibbs.com. We won’t laugh. Promise. Discuss on Gibbsblog.
