A knee-jerk liberal, yes, but no one has ever accused me of being a tree hugger — I toss my returnables in the trash, for the love of Mother Earth. However, I do stand ready and able to enlist body and soul in one particular environmental movement: restoring, preserving and protecting the right to dry.
We’re talking clotheslines here.
And, if you’re against them, you’re not only against saving the planet and the principles that made this country what it is (or at least what it used to be, back in the days of personal freedom), you’re against my saintly Mom, rest her soul.
You’re also a snob. … You heard me, a snob (and that’s as polite as I’m going to get on this one).
The issue, which has been simmering nationwide for years — see Project Laundry List — was revisited yesterday by the Boston Globe:
They say they only want to protect their “right to dry.” And in three New England states, advocates for clotheslines – yes, clotheslines, strung across the yard, draped with socks and sheets – are pushing for new laws to liberate residents whose neighbors won’t let them hang laundry outside.
Homeowners’ associations, which enforce bans on clotheslines at thousands of residential developments across the country, say the rules are needed to prevent flapping laundry from dragging down property values. But in an age of paper over plastic, as people try to take small steps to protect the environment, more residents are chafing at the restrictions. And some lawmakers in Vermont, New Hampshire, and Connecticut are taking it a step further, seeking legislation that would guarantee the freedom to let one’s garments flutter in the breeze.
It says something — something sad — about how far we have fallen as a society that drying clothes outside has not only become unfashionable but taboo, and, in altogether too many places, against the law or regulations.
I don’t have a clothesline, mind you, nor do I particularly want one; far too lazy. But I do believe that what people choose to do with their unmentionables in the privacy of their own backyards is of no business to their neighbors, a homeowners association or the government.
Property values, you whine? Here’s a typical quote from the Globe story:
“If you imagine driving into a community where the yards have clothes hanging all over the place, I think the aesthetics, the curb appeal, and probably the home values would be affected by that, because you can’t let one homeowner do it and say no to the next,” said Frank Rathbun, a spokesman for the Community Associations Institute, a national group based in Virginia that represents thousands of homeowner and condominium associations, many of which restrict clotheslines.
Spare me your property values, you snob. I’ll cling to the memory of smelling air-dried sheets and blankets, as well as watching Mom chat clothesline-to-clothesline with Mrs. Vigorito, a nearly extinct communications channel the loss of which has undoubtedly contributed to the breakdown of close-knit neighborhoods.
All in the interest of “property values.” Snobs.
In the interest of full disclosure, it’s probably worth noting that I live in what might be called a neighborhood of “mixed” housing. There are the really expensive homes, including some beauties lakeside and a handful of gems being built next door to my own modest abode; there is “older stock” of the kind that would draw a “needs TLC” tag in a real estate ad; and, a smattering of what were once literally summertime cottages and now stand … well, let’s just say they stand.
Bottom line: No one in my neighborhood is in any position to bellyache about anyone’s laundry flapping in the breeze … especially that guy who has a blue tarp the size of a football field draped across barn.
Nevertheless, I’m in this fight for those who are not fortunate enough to live amid such diversity and find themselves under the scourge of anti-drying tyrants.
These people need your support. Do it for the planet. Do it out of principle. Do it to honor your cherished childhood memories. Do it for Mom.
Or, do it just to tweak the snobs. Doesn’t matter; just do it.
